The Descent of Gray
by The Reflecting Bird
Summary: After a tragic accident, Gray is forced to reconsider the way he views life. The road to recovery will be anything but easy for him. Contains events from HM64 and includes allusions to HM:MM. Rated T for dark moments.
1. Chapter 1- Existence

**Author's Notes:** Hey there! I'm back! ... Don't remember me? Well, here's your first chance to read my... err... interesting stories. If you do remember my stories (most likely _The Place Where No One Weeps_), then thanks for coming back!

Like that story, I've been working on this for some time, but wanted to get far enough along that you can know what to expect going forward before publishing. After this, I'll mostly being doing one chapter additions. I don't know how long it will take me to finish this... but I will finish.

An extra note on the writing: I've done something a little different this time around. While written in the third person, the narrative often delves in and out of the characters' thoughts without much introduction. I like it, but I can see how it can be confusing. It's probably obvious most of the time, but I thought I'd give a warning.

Please read, and reviews are always welcome!

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The Descent of Gray

**Chapter One- Existence**

Gray never was a loud person- even as a teenager. Well, some who had known him for his whole life would say that he was mildly energetic as a young child, but all agree that he was certainly rather quiet after his mother passed away at the age of ten.

Doug was not a bad father, but Gray knew that a single parent who worked as much as he did wouldn't be enough to provide the attention needed by his younger sister. Gray took his role as his sister's keeper very seriously. His efforts were not in vain, as Ann grew up maturely despite her seemingly endless supply of energy. Apparently she got all of those "fun" genes that skipped over the unfortunate Gray. Though he missed out on those, Gray wasn't spared from the ginger hair that his fiery grandmother (who Ann was named after) passed down to all of her descendants.

Despite his flamboyant hair, Gray was nothing of the kind. The only two places where Gray could relax were the bar and the racetrack. He had his first beer on the night of his twenty-first birthday. He had been training on his horse as soon as his feet could reach the stirrups. He began his official racing career with his father's permission at the age of sixteen- a Flowerbud Village record. An even more impressive record than this was his performance in the annual horse races held in town. He placed bronze in his first two years, followed up by three victories. His father had told him that he could move up to regional races once he won his fourth title. Unfortunately, the following year he finished with second place after being passed in the final seconds. Gray promised himself that he would not let such a thing happen again.

These two locations- the bar and the racetrack- often went hand in hand. The night before every race, he would relax at Duke's bar where his friends would buy him one last drink. Such was the case this year, when Gray was in pursuit of his fourth title.

His "friends" were those few who didn't annoy Gray. For example, Harris the mailman was too dorky, and Jeff, who worked at the bakery, was too long-winded. Those who Gray could tolerate included Zack and Rick. Zack was a strong, nearly middle-aged man of few words whose job was to ship produce out of the village. Rick was more annoying to Gray, but he was his cousin. Gray could deal with family. This time, Zack took up the tab as he returned to their table with the drink.

"This one's on me, so you better not blow it this time," Zack said upon sitting down.

Gray took his first sip before speaking. "I will, assuming that Tatami isn't running tomorrow. I'm not kidding, that horse is on steroids or something."

"Are you saying that I should be putting my money down on him if he's running in your race?" Zack replied with amusement.

Gray snorted. "I don't plan on losing to that bum again. I've been training Cliffgard to be ready for that final burst Tatami always has at the post. Needless to say, it won't happen."

As Gray began his final gulp to finish off his glass, a waft of cooler air permeated the room as the doors from outside swung open. The three looked towards the source to see three young women stepping across the threshold. Though these people did not live in Flowerbud, they were regular attendees of the festivals there. Gray didn't know their names, but they had spoken on a couple of occasions.

Gray snickered when he saw the nervous look plastered on Rick's face. "Uncomfortable around the ladies, eh?" Rick shook his head. "Of course not, Gray… I'm just not as smooth as you are."

Both Gray and Zack laughed, the second of which cut in. "We all know that I'm the ladies' man at this table," he said.

Gray couldn't help but take the free opportunity. "No offense, but I think that you might be a little on the old side for them." It was true. Zack was actually a widower who had a young daughter named May. But he didn't seem to be the kind of person that wouldn't consider remarrying.

Rick's lips pursed as if he wanted to laugh, but he wisely held it in, lest he risk a clobbering from Zack. Zack could have taken down Gray as well, but the fight wouldn't have been worth the effort.

"In that case," Zack answered back, "with your youthful knowledge, which one of them would you go after?"

Gray rubbed his chin as he thought. "Well, straight hair looks dependable… but I must say that I'm probably most attracted by pigtails." That was just the answer that Zack was looking for. "You have a thing for chicks that look ten years old? I'm afraid that's even out of your age range." "What can I say? I've always had a thing for the cute ones."

By this time, the three girls had already taken their orders and, deciding to not sit at either the nerd or drunk tables, joined these three. The girl with the straight hair and the hat appeared to be the leader, and she accordingly spoke first.

"So… are any of you th-… two… you with the hat running in the race tomorrow?" Initially going to ask all three of us, she quickly discounted Rick as looking too out of shape and then determined that Zack was too large to be a jockey. Zack didn't seem to care, but Rick was a bit bothered (considering his reason for being marked off the list wasn't as acceptable).

"I am."

The woman with the curly hair cut in. "Hey! Are you the guy who got beat by a head last year? I hit the trifecta on that race!"

Gray nodded his head, unable to actually speak about the event. Still, the girls thought it would be a good idea to continue asking him questions- this time it being the girl with the pigtails. "So, what do you jockeys do when you're not racing? You know, like a job?"

"I'm a jockey. That is how I make money. It's what I do, it's who I am."

"But you can't race for forever," she insisted, "you have to do… _something_ on the side."

Gray was in fact quite tired of the conversation. "My family runs a farm, but racing is a respectable job. I don't suppose you three actually do anything for a living yourselves other than going from town to town trying to find a husband."

Rick looked down in embarrassment and adjusted his glasses, while Zack turned to Gray in surprise. The girls with the straight and curly hair frowned in disgust, while Pigtails simply tried to take in what he had just said. Straight Hair took up for her. "Well, at least we know one horse not to bet on." She nodded to Rick and Zack. "Have a good night, you two."

With that, the three joined the nerd table after getting their drinks from Duke. Gray shrugged as he stood up to get round two.

"Those three sure seem to be in a bad mood tonight."


	2. Chapter 2- The Superman

**Chapter Two- The Superman**

Excluding the winery, there were two farms maintained at Flowerbud Village: the Green Ranch, run by Doug and his children, and the one run by the older farmer Pete. Doug never was a great jockey, and the fading Pete hadn't run in forty years. Ann had no interest in participating, despite rather enjoying watching the races and helping Gray train.

It is for this reason that Gray was the hometown hero every spring on the day of the Horse Festival. Every year, he, Ann, and his father would lead Cliffgard from the ranch and through the town where people would gather to watch them pass and give any last encouragements. Every year, Ann would help one of the children up on the saddle with Gray to ride along until reaching the town square, which everyone found a cute idea (the saddle would be removed as soon as they reached the paddock).

Gray, of course, wasn't one who actively sought out opportunities for attention, but he could afford it just one day a year. He probably enjoyed it a little, though he would never admit to it.

This year was just like any other- this time it being little Stu riding across town, with Ann holding his arm the whole way, which was shaking with nervousness. After that, the first pressing question would be which horses would run in Gray's race. The Mayor, Thomas, had the task of putting together the day's rosters. It is generally assumed that he would put Gray with the slower horses; unfortunately, he had a history of getting things all confused (despite being directly told by Doug what to do), so there was always reason to worry.

After taking Cliffgard to the paddock, the three made their way up to the square, where Mayor Thomas would have racecards available. Ann scooped one up and took a step away before Gray or Doug could look and read the names out loud.

"Tingen… Kassie… Passio… Ta-Taraba, thank goodness… and Jim!" Ann literally tossed the sheet towards Doug so she could give Gray two fist bumps, which he slowly returned. "No Tatami! You can beat these losers!"

Doug shook his head as he read the racecard for himself. "It's favorable, but don't let your guard down. There's five other horses, and you have to beat them all. There's a lot on the line here."

Gray didn't know which was worse- Ann's optimism was bound to jinx him, while Doug's pessimism was making Gray jittery.

They had the first race, though, so the three promptly returned to the paddock to prepare for the race. Gray dressed in his silks as the saddle was replaced and other preparations were made. Then, there was nothing to do but wait as Gray and the other jockeys led the horses around the walking ring. Gray knew that he would be the favorite for the race- he simply couldn't let his hometown down. Not to mention, winning number four meant a lot to him, and he didn't want to have to wait again.

After a couple of minutes, during which the jockeys exchanged playful taunting, Mayor Thomas rung a bell as Doug opened a gate on the outer rail of the track. This signaled five minutes until post, so the horses proceeded onto the track. Gray unfortunately drew number five, which meant he would have to work his way to the rail.

Flowerbud did not have a starting gate, so Doug had to try keeping the horses situated behind a starting line. This was always a rather difficult task as the horses naturally wanted to try pulling ahead, and the jockeys subtly encouraged them to cheat a little.

While waiting, Gray glanced to his side where the spectators stood on the hillside waiting for the upcoming race. Most were from his hometown, so he raised his right hand towards the crowd while waiting, which responded with a roar of cheering.

Gray lowered his goggles onto his eyes and returned his focus to the track ahead. Those people counted on him. Even more so, Gray counted on himself. There was no way he was going to allow himself to lose, no matter what it took.

Doug appeared at the side with a bell in hand, prompting Gray to tighten his grip on the reigns.

"Now," he began, "As we do not own a gate, I'll warn you with a 'mark' before I ring this bell. Please stay behind the line before it goes off; otherwise, we will have no choice but to disqualify you. And of course, we want a clean race. I'll ring the bell again if there is a bad break- if there is any bumping after that, you will be scratched. Remember to enjoy the race; we will begin shortly."

Despite what Doug had said, Gray felt someone kick him from his right. It was Passio's jockey, who Gray had been on poor terms with ever since their first race, where he infamously cut the charging Passio off to keep him out of the money. It was obviously deliberate, though Gray continued to deny it.

"Listen to daddy, kid," he told Gray curtly, "Don't think that you can continue being the biggest jerk out here without stirring up the pot."

Gray tried his best to ignore him, so all he gave in response was a grim shake of the head. He reminded himself that some people will always be sore losers.

"Riders!" Gray held his breath in anticipation as he snapped back to the race. Jump out of the gate fast to ensure immediate merging to the rail, making sure to force Passio to pull up behind the rest in the meantime. No, play it safe to make sure he didn't get beat at the very end again. There's nothing as frustrating as…

"Mark…"

The bell rang as the thoughts continued to spin around Gray's head. Thankfully, Cliffgard was prepared for the bell.

The break was clean, but all the horses came out at full speed. Cliffgard's best attribute was his ability to run a steady race, but Gray believed that he couldn't afford being left eating all the dust on the turn.

Even worse was Passio, who came out at a ridiculous pace. His jockey was clearly trying to cut off Cliffgard. Gray had time to react, so he pushed Cliffgard far harder than he usually would keep his opponent from passing.

The grudge match resulted in the two leading the pack coming into the backstretch. Gray had maintained the inside position, now on the rail, while Passio held just a head back to his side. By this point they had settled into a more reasonable pace, which encouraged Gray, who believed that Cliffgard could maintain the speed until the final turn.

Still, Passio was aiming for a pass- while Gray didn't want to push Cliffgard any further, he had to stop Passio. This was Gray's race to lose, and he wanted to be in control. Plus, Passio's jockey was a downright jerk.

Gray had an idea, though, that could solve both problems. Rather than speeding up, Gray decided the best idea would be to pull Cliffgard hard to the right, forcing Passio to either back off or swerve out to the middle of the track to avoid contact. This would hopefully break the horse's stride. Gray and Cliffgard's experience would be enough to prevent anything of this kind from happening to the two of them.

At the halfway mark, Gray put his plan into effect. Passio's jockey cursed and pulled off rather than being run further outside. Gray smiled as he looked back to see the results for himself when he felt Cliffgard abruptly readjusting his own stride.

Gray wasn't focused on what was ahead, so the jolt took him by surprise. Instinctively, reacting as if Cliffgard was about to toss him off, Gray yanked on the bit. This caused Cliffgard to thrash around, throwing Gray from the saddle.

Gray's left foot was pinned in the stirrup while the rest of his body was tossed to the dirt. The motion twisted his ankle around sharply, but Gray could only register an awkward grinding in it over the bumping and scrapping of his face and hands against the ground.

Cliffgard did not initially stop to spare his passenger from any further injury, but he did gallop out of control towards the outside rail, preventing Gray from being trampled by the rest of the competitors. Those who passed the scene of the accident kept on racing, unaware of how serious the situation was.

The jumpy horse finally settled down before entering the final turn, far away from any help. Gray, with shaking hands and clouded vision, reached up to extract his still tangled ankle. He wasn't successful. Rather than finishing the task, Gray collapsed back onto his back and, turning to his side, coughed up a mess of blood and saliva.

Gray caught Ann hoping over the rail and racing across the infield with someone else just behind to assist out of the corner of his eye, but this was the last thing he saw before completely losing consciousness.


	3. Chapter 3- Nausea

**Chapter Three- Nausea**

Within a second of seeing Gray beginning to shift off the saddle, Ann began to jog down the hill in case something went wrong. No one else acted until he began to drag across the ground limply.

Ann prepared to scale the rail but hesitated at the last moment. To someone else, it might appear that she was afraid of the other racehorses were rapidly approaching. The real reason she stopped was so she could predict just how serious of an injury it was going to be. She waved to Zack to follow her. Everyone was now transfixed on watching Cliffgard's trail across the track while shouting and pointing at the sight. Ann had to yell over the noise.

"Zack! Give me some help here! We need something to get him off the track with!"

Zack jumped at the sound of her screeching voice but did as he was told. The first thing he could think of was a sheet covering a table where the baker Jeff was selling concessions. Zack ripped it off, causing the articles to scatter across the ground. Rather than complaining, Jeff joined Zack as he began to descend the hill.

The other horses by now having completed the race, the three of them sprinted towards Gray's final location with the sheet in hand, blowing in the wind.

The sight of Gray lying in the dirt, still hooked up to his horse had a visible impact on all three of the responders. Not only was his left leg turned in an unnatural angle, but his arms and right leg were shredded while his face was covered in so much crimson that the actual placement of the injuries was impossible to determine.

After taking a moment to examine the situation, the three went to work. Zack began to spread out the sheet on the track so it would be prepared for when they would lift Gray onto it. Jeff tore open Gray's silks to see if his body had sustained any other serious injuries. Ann set to finally detaching Gray's foot from the stirrup.

Her primary fear was that if she were to try removing it, further damage could be accrued. For that reason, she held Gray's leg still while pulling down on the saddle. This gave enough slack that she was able to remove the stirrup with ease. After accomplishing this, Ann slowly lowered his leg to the ground.

Jeff declared that there was no serious chest injury, so after they had cleaned up Gray's face with the silks they had torn off, the three began the transition to the sheet that they would bring him back into town on.

With Ann holding his legs, Jeff his torso, and Zack his head, they counted to three and delicately lifted him a foot off the ground, moved a step sideways, and set him down with care. Gray stirred slightly when they did so, but he never gained perception of what was happening.

The two men took one side of the sheet and pulled it up to their shoulders. Rather than running, the two moved in unison at what was the fastest pace that could be considered a "walk." Ann was left behind, who took the opportunity to trace all of what had led up to the fall by walking along Cliffgard's hoof prints still observable in the dirt. She did this primarily as an excuse to hide her deep distress; however, one may have noticed her hands uncontrollably shaking ever slightly had he been observant.

As the two passed back up the hill with their burden in hand, no one could resist standing upon their toes to try catching a glimpse of Gray. Jeff and Zack did their best to shield the unfortunate young man from the public.

Their intended destination was the old potion shop dealer's house, who, along with the town's midwife, would be the only people with any idea of how to treat Gray's wounds.

Assuming that these two would follow behind them shortly to help, Jeff and Zack took Gray inside the potion dealer's house. As his main room was cluttered, they barged into the bedroom of the potion shop dealer's two grandchildren, Kent and Stu. They laid Gray down on Stu's bed while they pulled Kent's into the middle of the room, where there would be plenty of space to perform any necessary operations. Before they shifted Gray onto that bed, they stripped Kent's comforter, threw it onto Stu's bed, and replaced it with a cheap blanket that the dealer would care less about ruining from all the blood.

The sheet they had originally thrown Gray onto was now thoroughly stained, so they kept him on top of it in hope that it would prevent at least some damage to Kent's bed.

The potion shop dealer, as Zack and Jeff had hoped, did hustle back to his house with the town's midwife not far behind. Normally, these were two very carefree people, but the seriousness of the situation was evident from the expressions on their faces.

"How… sir… just how ba-."

The potion shop dealer cut the reeling Zack off.

"We will do what we can. The best thing you two can do is stay out of the way. Go home and wash yourselves off. We'll let you know when we're done."

There are few worse feeling than knowing that you have absolutely no control of the situation. As hard as Zack tried to persuade himself otherwise, it was obvious that Gray's condition was very dire. No one walks away with injuries like that with little long-term effects. The real thing to hope for was that Gray would be able to walk again.

Such was the primary focus of the operations that the two village doctors performed on Gray that day. His ability to race again was very low priority- mainly because it was also a low possibility.

The work passed on into the night. No one received any news about the results until the midwife met with Gray's father at his shop at about ten in the evening. When Doug came out an hour later, he refused to answer any questions. None were really necessary, though, as whatever happened was obviously not satisfactory.


	4. Chapter 4- The Shatters

**Chapter Four- The Shatters**

Gray opened his eyes for the first time at about seven the next morning. He had no recollection of ever being at the potion dealer's house, as he was now spread out on the single bed in his family's guesthouse. It was obvious to him that he would be living here while recovering. It offered more space and better ventilation than his own room at the store, but it was also sparsely furnished for its size. Besides the bed, there was little beyond a stove in the far corner and a wobbly table with a couple cheap chairs.

Sensing that someone else was in the room, Gray instinctively sat up. There were, in fact, two people in the room. Ann was knots with a small piece of rope while Doug was flipping through the pages of a notebook. Both looked up when they heard Gray's movements.

"Son…" Doug started.

"-Will I be able to ride?"

"… No, son. No you will not. The damage done to your leg, the pressure wou-."

"-I don't need to know the details. You're free to leave."

Doug stayed there for a few minutes, looking as if he was about to speak the whole time. Eventually, though, he closed his notebook and said he needed to get back to the shop. Gray didn't respond.

In fact, he didn't say another word for the rest of the day. Ann left briefly and returned with a cup of broth, but Gray only glared at her when she held it up to give to him. Frowning, she set it down on Gray's nightstand and left for the day. She found the cup only half empty the next morning.

No one came the first day to allow Gray to soak in the situation. Over the following days, though, many residents of Flowerbud flowed by to show their sympathies. Gray took in their words with no signs of emotion. Once each finished their spill, Gray would only remark, "Is that all?"

The truth was that he was disgusted with them. They would say things along the lines of, "I know how you feel" or "testing builds perseverance." To him, these were empty words; they had no idea how he felt. He could tell from their faces that they were only there because it was expected of them. Gray couldn't even stand the company of his own father. He could see it in Doug's expression- he knew that Gray had screwed up… that the accident was his own fault. True as it was, he didn't have to be reminded of it. He judged himself enough as it was; Gray didn't need his father's disappointed glances.

Ann was alright, but Gray didn't want to talk with her. She had pushed him to fight at that race- in his mind, she shared some of the blame. Besides her, there were only two others whose company didn't repel him.

The first person to make an impression on him was Popuri, the daughter of the couple that ran the flower shop who was probably a year or two younger than Gray. What set her apart from the others? It was that she did not say a word the entire time she was there. Before then, Gray had never seen her without Popuri firing off about a thousand words per minute. This time, though, she had nothing to say. Rather, she sat in a chair reading a book. Whenever Gray would shift, she would look up as if seeing if he needed anything. Eventually he began to move to deliberately get her to look at him. At some point, Gray fell asleep due to his medications. When he awoke, Popuri was gone. There was no way to know how long she had been there.

The other notable visitor was Pete, the aging rival ranch owner. While most simply told Gray how sorry they were, Pete rather unorthodoxly began asking him questions.

"What does it feel like, son?"

"… What?"

"Your leg?"

"… My knee feels like it is being continually compressed by a vise, my shin and calve feel like they have been torn apart by a butcher and grounded up, and all I can feel in my ankle is a sickening absence of pain."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what you are going through… but I wanted a picture in my mind."

Pete paused a moment before changing subjects. "You know… you remind me of my grandson."

"Ah."

"Truly. He's about your age. Do you remember him?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you would. He's a good chap, like yourself. Always looking for an adventure. You know, he once stole my wife's music box when he was five. The funny part was that he thought he could get away with it without us noticing! Ha! Well, we played along as we wanted to see just what his plans were with it. Do you know what that was? He buried it! I never saw him dig it back up, so I'm sure that it is still there. Why would he do that, you ask? That music box was a cheaply built pawn off that my mother gave us for our wedding. Needless to say, it paled in comparison to what her mother gave us! Ha! Well, he hated that thing's tune, but by burying it he made it a treasure… something special. If I dug it up today, it might actually be worth something if it still worked."

The old man continued on like this for some time despite the fact that Gray never gave a response longer than five words. One would have thought that Gray was trying to ignore him; in actuality, Gray was taking in every word. He listened as if it was a normal conversation- something that hadn't had since the accident. For brief moments he was even able to forget it altogether. It was soothing.

This went on for a couple of hours before Pete slowly stood up.

"It's about time that I head home, Gray. Would you like me to stop by again tomorrow?"

"No."

Pete nodded as if he expected the answer.

"Well then, I hope to see you walking soon. Be sure to stop by my ranch."

Gray watched him intently as he left and listened until his footsteps were no longer audible. Things plunged back into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5- The Water

**Chapter Five- The Water**

It has been stated that Gray actually enjoyed the company of the old man. Why did Gray tell him not to return, then?

Gray didn't think he deserved to be comforted.

The state of his mind had quickly, perhaps immediately, been lost in swirls of gray storm clouds. Whose fault was the accident? Gray's fault. Was it some cruel punishment from the heavens? It did occur to him, but Gray quickly dismissed this. There was no reason behind it- it just happened. A brash decision that he would pay for again and again throughout the rest of his life. It was over; he did what he did and now he earned its punishment. No one needed to comfort him. Any comfort he would receive would only be temporary; why even bother with this?

What purpose he had in life had been drained in a few tumultuous seconds. But was it really a purpose? No. Only an illusion of a purpose. Gray couldn't ride forever. All it took was one glance at the old man to see that. What was the point of something finite? A few trophies to hang on his wall to be forgotten by his children and disposed of by his grandchildren? No. He would die, they would die, everyone would die. He could publish an autobiography that would make its way into the homes of millions. He would be immortalized… at least until the world burned up. And eventually, only darkness.

Such thoughts plagued Gray's mind. The bed only further confined him to sulk in stillness. He had to move.

Gray didn't think he would be able to stand, so he pushed off his nightstand as leverage to roll off onto the floor. He landed with a heavy thud in a shriek of pain.

This cry must have been loud, as Ann came running into his house only moments later.

"Goodness Gray, what do you think you were doing?! That's only going to make things worse! Here, let me help you up."

Gray didn't have the energy to resist. Once Ann had him resettled, she asked, "Is there anything else you need?"

"Yes. Would you please tell everyone that no one is to enter this house? No one! And I would appreciate if you only stopped long enough to drop off my food… no more. Please."

Ann pursed her lips and gave him a long look as if asking herself, "What is the matter with him?" She never asked out loud, but only shrugged as she told him that she would do as he asked.

Gray was confined to his bed for two weeks, during which the condition of his mind continued to degenerate. He hated the light, he hated the sounds of the singing birds. It was as if the rest of the world was in denial of its true destiny of death. The birds would sing and sing, but to what? They accomplished nothing real; they only sing to nothing in particular before dying. What makes it all the worse is when one realizes that man is no different from the bird.

Ann entered the stuffy house reluctantly only to provide Gray with sustenance. Half the time the food and drink were not even touched.

At the end of this two week mark, though, she entered with another purpose. She came holding crutches.

"Gray, are you awake?"

"Yes."

"I was told that after a couple weeks that you should start trying to walk. It's the only way that your leg is going to get better."

Gray sneered. Without hesitation, he spun sideways on his bed so that his feet could touch the ground. He then stood up and gave a short bow. He had been practicing to stand for the entire two weeks to alleviate his stagnation. He had mastered the technique four days earlier.

He had yet to take a step yet, though. As he took one towards Ann, he groaned as his leg gave out under him. Ann managed to catch him before he hit the ground and helped him lean against the wall.

"Try using the crutches, you arrogant dufus."

Gray smiled grimly. "As you wish, mother."

His smile was wiped away as Ann shook him roughly.

"Don't you ever talk about mom that way! What's wrong with you? Is my brother still there? I thought you hurt your leg, not your heart!"

"You don't get it, do you, Ann? Why do you care about me? Why should you?" This was the first thing in a long time that did not actually sound hateful. Ann did not go without noticing this.

"… Gray, I don't know what's wrong with you. I really don't. But you can't just keep holding it in like this. It's killing you. I can see it in your eyes. You're dying. Not from any sickness. You're just killing yourself. Here, I think a walk outside will help. I'll come with you, if you want. Where do you want to go?"

"The beach."

"Not bad! The beach is a great idea. Let's go."

The walk there was absolutely quiet; to Gray's credit, he actually was trying to think of something positive to say- it was just that his attempts were futile. Once there, he finally found his voice.

"Let's sit here," he said once they stood in some sand just beyond the furthest reaches of the waves.

"Sure thing! We might get our feet wet, though."

"I'm not really worried about getting wet."

Ann helped him sit down before joining him on his left. Gray's crutches rested in between the siblings.

Gray grabbed a small pebble sitting next to him, reached back, and hurled it as far as he could into the ocean. Though he was performing this action, his thoughts were still on darker matters. This time he was cursing the ocean. Why? It didn't offer him enough protection. An island is a beautiful thing- containment, purity, stability. But Flowerbud faced the ocean in only one direction. It provided no boundaries for Gray's imagination. Nothing could be taken as a whole object but only as a piece of an immense chaotic world. There is no logic that can be constructed out of the mass swirl of ideas. There is no boundary to the planet itself- there are no corners, only never-ending lines around the world.

Ann, seeing Gray, tossed a pebble out into the ocean herself. "Mine went further," she said.

"Good for you."

Obviously he had lost all competitiveness, too. Ann tried to pressure him to start sharing what was bothering him so much.

"I see you don't care about winning anymore."

"Nobody really wins in the end. Rock throwing is pretty high up on the trivial list."

"Maybe so. But there are things that aren't."

Gray smiled grimly. "Yeah. That's what I thought about racing. Look where that got me."

"You're not dead, Gray. You… you'll find something else to do. Dad wanted you to do more work at the ranch, anyways. He's getting older. It's getting hard for him to run both the shop and take care of the animals."

"Why does it matter? We barely make enough money to provide for ourselves."

"That goes for something."

"Why? Why is staying alive a good reason to keep living?"

"It's more than that. Family. Friends-"

"Who will also die. There is nothing that you can do that nature will not undo someday."

Ann pursed her lips. "Maybe you should go to the chapel next Sunday. Maybe Pastor Brown can answer some of your concern-"

Gray nearly stood up in agitation. "The chapel! Please, Ann, you haven't been there yourself in who knows how long!"

"Well," she replied, "I'm satisfied with my life. I don't need to go there to find meaning. But I understand that there are people that do. Maybe it could help you out."

"What has religion ever done that is any good? Think about it. It just gives people a reason to do something crazy."

Ann rolled her eyes. "You know? Do you just want me to leave?"

"Yes."

Gray's sister stood up and rubbed her hands on her pants to get some of the sand off.

"Alright. I'll leave you alone."

Did he feel any better after he left? Not even the slightest.


	6. Chapter 6- The Underground

**Chapter Six- The Underground**

Instead of trying to walk, Gray further confined himself to his bed. He just wanted to be left alone, but people kept coming to check up on him. He wanted to rest, but the light continued to pour in through the windows. He tried covering them up with whatever he could use and began to sleep under the bed. The floor wasn't comfortable, but he liked the feeling of being in an enclosed space, where nothing out of the ordinary could happen.

Gray's mind only continued to stew. People began to catch on that he wasn't interested in company and consequently stopped coming to visit. The only person who continued to come, other than his family, was the insistent Popuri. She came every other day for a couple of hours, always reading a book in the corner. It was if she was waiting for Gray to finally say something. He never did, but it didn't seem to discourage her.

Gray began to lose track of the days. He estimated the time since the accident as best as he could- one week, two weeks, but he was increasingly finding himself not caring.

This period, in fact, last for two weeks and six days. Its end came abruptly. On this last night, Gray stirred from a light sleep that he had passed the majority of the day in. The sun had just set in the horizon and the sky was beginning to darken.

The young man's mind was by this point too exhausted to continue pondering deep thoughts. He had simply had enough. With surprising resolution, he dragged himself out of his dark sanctuary and grabbed a cane that he had recently been given to replace the barely used crutches. He then hobbled out into the fresh air for the first time in weeks. He took a deep breath, as if there was some lingering hope that it would bring him peace. Apparently unhappy with the results, Gray shook his head and made his way over to the barn. He had difficulty opening the doors with only one arm, and only accomplished the task with a good deal of pain. Once inside, he looked up to the rafters bathed in twilight above him. He nodded in satisfaction and walked to the far back wall of the barn where equipment was kept, dodging livestock along the way. Work must have been completed for the day, as the animals had already been brought back in, making it the perfect time to act without interruption. Gray reached for some rope that hung on a hook. After examining it, he started moving towards a ladder that leaned against the wall. He tried lifting it, but found himself having difficulty. Again and again he tried to lift it between short rests. Eventually, though, he yelled and pushed the ladder over in frustration, causing it to crash into one of the stalls, sending a young colt running in the other direction in fright.

Gray leaned against the wall and slowly allowed himself to sink into a sitting position. Why did he give up? It wasn't because he didn't think he could move the ladder, nor was it out of fear of what would come. What he had experienced was a momentary flash of pondering what would happen if he were gone. Would people be sad? Most would probably feel guilty about not being sad, but that was about it. But his mind went to three people- Ann, Popuri, and the old farmer. Ann, as annoying as she could be, was obviously invested in making sure Gray turned things around. Popuri had so consistently waited for Gray to acknowledge her- would her efforts go for nothing? And then there was old Pete; for whatever reason, Gray felt especially bad for turning him away. It would feel like a disservice to not apologize to him.

All it took was a second for him to throw the ladder onto its side. Even if he wanted to change his mind, it was simply too late. He would never be able to lift it back up in his condition.

Gray ran a hand through his hair. He didn't even think to consider whether he would still be willing to do it, as the option was no longer on the table. He probably would have broken down in tears right there had he not heard someone begin to slide the barn door open. As quickly as he could, he flung the rope across the barn, hoping that no one would even consider that Gray could have touched it. Once he had accomplished this, he began to stand up.

He was just putting his weight on his cane again when Ann stuck her head inside.

"Gray, what in the world made that noise? Was that you? … What are you doing in here, anyways?"

Gray shrugged as he started walking towards her. "Just thought I'd check up on the animals. … Just getting out of the house, you know? I accidentally bumped into this ladder while I was making a round around the stalls."

To his surprise, Ann actually chuckled a little, probably out of relief. It made Gray feel better.

"Well, there was no need to check up on them before you scared them half to death! Really though, I'm glad to see you out, but you don't need to worry about any work. Just… go out and have fun!"

Gray smirked to himself. "Fun?"

"… Yeah, I'd suggest you avoid the bar for a while. But there are other things you can do when you're hurt! I can see if Greg will let you borrow a fishing ro-."

"Fishing? Really? It doesn't get much more boring than that. Will you be going with me?"

By this time, Ann had repositioned the ladder and the two were walking back towards the house.

"I… Umm… I'm sure I can find someone who would like to go with you."

"That's what I tho-."

"Hey, I'm not the one who has nothing else to do! I've got work!"

"And when do I get to work again?"

"When dad says you are ready, I guess. Which isn't yet."

"I don't think he'll ever think I'm ready."

Ann pursed her lips and looked down. "He'll come around. … Listen, I'm planning to go hang out with the girls in town, so I'm gonna have to leave you. But I can't tell you how happy I am to see you out and talking again."

"Yeah."

Ann waited a moment waiting for a better answer before finally waving goodbye. Gray sighed as he returned to his room.

Somehow he knew that there was no turning back now.

When he entered, Gray squinted as he struggled to see around the darkened room in which he had spent weeks rolling in misery. He mumbled expletives as he reached to the windows and pulled down the barricades he had set up against the light. It stung his eyes at first, but he knew it did the room an improvement. After that he took a minute to lie down and remove the blankets and pillows from under his bed.

Gray considering going out again for a walk but found himself lacking the energy. To compensate, he pushed the window open, letting in the air as well as the light.

Again Gray could hear the birds chirping. He didn't necessarily like it, but at least it broke the silence.


	7. Chapter 7- The Hill

**Chapter Seven- The Hill**

"I can't believe I actually agreed to this…" Gray mumbled to himself, hoping Greg couldn't hear him over the hum of the creek bed.

The two had been there on the bank for nearly two hours. During that time, the old fisherman had pulled out five solid trouts; Gray had caught nothing other than a fly that had landed in his ear. Greg's enthusiasm only made it all the worse.

"You know, Gray, when I was your age, I'd be out here fly fishing and probably bringing in double what I am today! You don't come out here often, do you?"

"Nope."

"It's a shame, really! It seems to be a trend with the young ones nowadays. I see that Jeff out here every once in a while, and he sometimes brings along sweet Elli, but that's about it. I guess I don't really know many of the other youths around that well."

"Maybe it'd help if you lived in town rather than in that dingy tent."

Greg appeared to have missed Gray's insulting tone. "I don't think I could live in the town. I prefer the fresh mountain air… can you feel it? It really fills up you, if you let it. I think others would understand if they came out here more."

Greg probably continued talking, but Gray found himself nodding off. It wasn't until Greg shouted, "Pete!" that Gray was jolted awake. Gray turned to see the old man gingerly step down the short hill to the creek. He laid an arm on Gray's shoulder and pointed out onto the water.

"It looks like you caught one while you were asleep!"

"Really?" Gray said with noticeable curiosity as he turned to see.

Both of the other men cracked up laughing. "No," Pete finally said.

"You two must getting really old if you think that's funny," Gray retorted deadpan.

"Oh, alright," Pete answered, "I'm actually here to cheer you up." He extended his other hand to Gray, in which Pete was holding a bottle. "I thought you might like to have a beer."

Gray took it from him and examined it. Pete had already taken the cap off for him. "Ann would kill me if she saw me drinking this." He took a sip anyways.

To his surprise, the drink did not taste of alcohol. "What the… is this root beer?"

The old men broke out cackling again. "I said beer… I never specified that it wasn't root beer!"

Gray turned the bottle over and dumped its contents into the dirt. He then handed the bottle back to Pete.

The two continued to laugh, but Gray couldn't help but feel that he had hurt Pete's feelings with his stiff response. He finally said, "Good one." It probably sounded sarcastic, though.

Gray knew that Pete was just trying to get him laughing again, which both annoyed Gray and gave him a kind of appreciation for the old farmer.

"I'm sorry to say I don't have anything else to give you. But if you have the time, Gray, stop by my farm. There's something I want to talk with you about. Anyways, I guess I'll be seeing you both later."

Greg waved goodbye as Pete made his way back up the embankment. Gray looked into the water. With little warning, he turned and said, "I'll be there tomorrow." Pete stopped for a moment to turn and smile before proceeding on.

Gray suffered Greg and the fishing for another hour before he finally had enough. Annoyed that he had failed to catch a single fish, he nearly threw the rod back at Greg.

"Will you come out again?"

"Probably not."

Greg said goodbye as Gray was leaving, but he either didn't hear him or chose to ignore him.

Gray did in fact have something on his mind. He was going to have his chance to show his appreciation to Pete for his attitude when Gray was recovering; there was someone else he wanted to talk to, though.

It was the first time Gray had gone into the village since the accident. Part of him expected people to gather around and watch the curiosity, but no one appeared to be outside other than the elderly Ellen, who was too busy rocking in her chair outside the café while gazing at the clouds to notice him. Gray didn't have to go far, as his destination was just across the street from the café.

Gray knocked before entering the flower shop. Popuri's mother Lillia looked up in surprise from behind the counter.

"Gray! I can't remember the last time you've stopped by for a visit! How are you feeling?"

"Better."

Gray was preparing to ask where Popuri was, but there was no longer a need as Popuri swung open the door to her room and stuck her head out.

"Hey! Whatcha doing here, Gray?" Popuri energetically questioned. She looked as surprised as her mother.

The young man was stunned. Gray tried to answer, but for some reason he couldn't find the right words. He cursed himself in his mind. He had prepared something to say, but it felt so wrong on the spot. For one, it was uncomfortable that Lillia was just across the room, listening to what would happen. But more importantly, it wasn't the same Popuri that he wanted to thank for coming. In his suffering and silent contemplation, he had built up an image of who Popuri was in his head. Once seeing her actually speak again, he remembered that she was still the loud, childish girl from before.

Gray quickly turned around and left the way he came without heeding to the women's pleas for him to stop. He immediately returned to his house and laid down on his bed. He thought it best to take a short nap before dinnertime. He tossed around in his bed before a few minutes before realizing why he wasn't able to go to sleep- it was too bright. Gray stood back up and recovered the windows. He laid back down; after another minute, though, he reached over to his nightstand and forcefully shoved his cane onto the floor. It landed with a thud. Gray wasn't going to be able to sleep, as his mind was far too occupied with different streams of thought. Though these thoughts had different starting premises, they all ended with the same conclusion- Gray telling himself that he was an absolute fool.


	8. Chapter 8- Medicine

**Chapter Eight- Medicine**

Gray woke up the next morning early enough to join Doug and Ann for breakfast at the café. He had entirely forgotten about the routine until he heard their voices outside moving towards town. No one in the family could cook very well, so the family used to go there together nearly every morning for food.

Realizing where they were going, Gray hobbled over to his displaced cane before opening the door and shouting to them to wait for him. The two watched as he approached, still dressed in the same clothes he had worn the day before.

"You're coming?" Doug asked quietly.

"Obviously."

"You look like a wreck," Ann commented.

"Thank you."

Gray was ready for routine again, but there was obvious discomfort shared by all three that made normal conversation impossible. Nothing was said until they arrived at the café and took a seat at a table. Jeff came to serve them. He bowed slightly when he saw Gray.

"It's good to see you here again. Is there anything I can get you?"

"A pancake. Make it a big one. And a glass of milk."

"Sounds good. And I'll assume you two will have the usual?"

Ann and Doug both nodded.

"Well, I'll have Elli get to it then. Thanks."

After Jeff left for the kitchen, the threat of silence again loomed. However, the acceptance of this inevitability between Doug and Gray was challenged by Ann, who unexpectedly spoke up.

"So," she began. "What's everybody doing today?"

"Running the shop," answered Doug. "And you'll be taking care of the animals all by yourself since you have no one to help you."

The obvious jab at Gray did not go unnoticed. Gray only shot his father a dirty look.

"Hmm. How 'bout you, Gray?"

"I'm meeting someone."

"A counselor?" Doug scoffed. Ann looked at her father in disapproval, but neither of the others noticed.

"That old farmer down the road."

"Pete? What would he want you for?"

Gray shrugged. "Don't know."

"Well," Doug said more calmly, "If he wants you to do something, you'll have to do it yourself. Me and Ann are too busy to worry about it."

The surprise that Gray was to meet with Pete had taken the passion out of the exchange, but the bitterness remained, effectively killing it. Not even Ann had the courage to pick it back up.

Once the food arrived, the three ate in absolute silence. Gray bolted his pancake and milk as fast as he could. He was still chewing his last bite when he pushed his plate forward and chair back.

"See ya."

Gray had planned on stopping to see Pete later as he wasn't certain if he would be awake yet, but it was a good excuse to leave. He nodded slightly to Ann as he walked out.

Thankfully, Pete appeared to have been awake for some time when he answered the door. He smiled slightly.

"It's good to see you. Come on in."

Gray studied the house as he walked in.

"Nice place."

His sarcasm was obvious. Though it had been recently cleaned, the one room house was sparsely furnished, much like the house Gray had spent the last month in. The only belongings in the room of any quality were the many aging but beautiful books on the bookshelf in the corner.

"Please, Gray, take a seat at the table."

Pete sat down across from him.

"So," Gray started, "Why am I here?"

"That's a difficult question. Why don't you tell me?"

Gray frowned. "Let's not play this. If you actually don't remember, then I'm guessing you were going to talk to me about your Alzheimer's."

The old man laughed heartily. "No, it's not Alzheimer's. That being said, I've had angina my whole life. I'm not really sure how much longer I can go before it finally gets the better of me."

Gray's eyes widened. "... Chest pain is serious matter. Why are you telling me this? Have you told anyone else?"

Pete looked upwards, perhaps towards Heaven. "… No, I've never told anyone. I guess I couldn't live with worrying others. Or maybe I didn't want to face the truth. Life would never be same; nothing they'd say could be a positive. Maybe nothing could even be done to fix it. If something could be done, it might have left me physically unable to provide for my family. I don't know. I guess I didn't want to lose hope."

"Hope?"

Pete stretched his arms out on the table. "You see, Gray… my wife… oh, do I miss her. It's been far too long. People told me before we were married that it would never work… that our personalities were too different, that our backgrounds were too different. But I loved her, and she loved me. It just took her some time to realize that she should choose who she wanted, not whoever people expected her to.

"Our time was too short though. She'd been battling her health for as long as I had known her. Things took for the worse shortly after our son was born. At… at the end, it was clear that she wasn't going to make it… the hopelessness in her eyes… I just couldn't live with making myself and others watch me slowly slip away."

Gray bit his tongue. "I'm… I'm sorry, sir."

"Me too. But I can't ignore my health any longer. It's not just the pain. I've learned to live with that. My mind… it still feels young, at least most of the time. But I can feel my body resisting. I just can't do what I could before. The condition of my farmland needs no introduction. But I still have the animals that need to be taken care of. That's what I need your help with. I want you to look after them. I'm looking to have as many of them sold off as I can. Those that you can't find a home for by the time I die will go to your ranch."

"How will you take care of yourself without the livestock?"

"I'll use what I need from what you make by selling the animals. The rest will go to my family."

"And what of the farm? What happens to it once you die?"

Pete sighed. "It too goes to my family. But I don't think they'll miss the animals. My son took after his grandparents. He has work in the city, and I don't see him giving it up. My grandson always had a passion for this place, but he is still young and naïve... This place will probably die with me."

Gray's immediate thought was how happy his father would be with the competition gone, but he couldn't help but feel bad himself that ranch would go without an owner.

"However," Pete proceeded, "If my family does decide to take the farm, I trust you'll help them out in the same way you helped me."

"I will."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"Good. I'll repay you for helping me, of course."

Gray smiled to himself. He had never actually agreed to help him- he had only promised to aid Pete's family should they take the farm. But Pete knew he would help.

"Don't bother. Consider it a favor," Gray told the aging man.

Pete smiled. "Then I'll be seeing you again soon. You can stop by tomorrow whenever works best. I'll be here."

Gray shook his hand before standing up. Just before walking out the door, though, he stopped.

"Sir, you never answered why you told me everything that you did? And if you wanted animals sold, why didn't you go to my father?"

"… Because I wasn't able to save her. But I saw someone else without hope."

* * *

**Author's Notes: **I hope you liked the first installment! Unlike most stories, I put this one out without too many edits as I don't know when I'll get another good chance. I fully expect some mistakes, so please help me out! Thank you for reading, and stay tuned!


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